perhaps, i should rest my case...

i'm a very passionate person. when it comes to ideas, opinions, dreams, friends & any relationship. and that sucks.

i care for everyone around me, and i offer assistants & advises unconditionally. and sometimes i get too passionate that i lost my sleeps due to anxiety, nervous & worry. and i get pounding headache.

when you know someone that you care for is walking into a trap, as a friend you advise, explain, warn & warn. ultimately, you have to respect the decision that he/she's gonna make. but on the other hand, you know storm is on the way and trees will be fallen. that leaves me very helpless.

when your friend's in trouble, you'll be there to offer solutions & support. you will even lay down the plans & seek for potential rewards or jobs on his behalf.

but sometimes, i could be too passionate in offering my "services" that resulted me being nosy. why do i need to care so much? why do i need to care when someone don't even care? is it because i'm just a busybody? hmm... maybe i am. maybe i just have too much time for others.

is it because that i really care for the person? or is it because that i'm just a plain bitter aging man? sometimes i wonder it myself. but deep down inside, i know, shit is coming and i couldn't help myself but to tell someone. and often, the good words were never taken in well by others. it's exactly like chinese saying "good advises are often bounce off the ears" or "a gentleman's speech is often misquoted by a small man"...nonetheless, i could be just a bitter aging man.

i couldn't sleep not because i don't want to sleep. i'm exhausted but i couldn't sleep cos' i'm embarrassed for being nosy. i'm disturbed for knowing the fact that someone that you care is walking into quicksand... but how would i know that? trust me, i know. that's my gift and also my curse. and that slashes my heart.

maybe i should just walk away, be ignorant of the potential woes that they might face. let them experience it themselves. i might still gain their respect for respecting their freedom in making choices, whether it's a good or a bad one.

i should learn to not bother.
i should learn to act dumb.
i should learn to remain silent.
i should learn to reserve my advises.
i should learn to be selfish of solutions.
but....seriously, these can't pass my conscience.

i should disappear for a while, 2 years sounds like a plan... i should just rest my case, perhaps...

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