Monday, March 31, 2008

quotes that keep me going...

my life is kinda complicated at times, compressed & compact. but i will try to look at other angles and i believe things always have 2 opposite sides just like ying & yang; left & right; positive & negative and we must not pause at what before us but vision what would be ahead of us.  

well, i have always been fighting my dreams alone even sometimes my family disagree. cos i believe only i could chart my own path, whether i will walk alone or with a company it doesn't matter. i'll just have to think positive, at least i must try. so some times i sought for stories that are inspiring, read histories that full of foes and try to analyze their failures and learn from there...and most importantly remembering quotes that keep me going...

here are some my favorite quotes, some were extracts from books & stories, some were said by people that i respect, some were written by myself...

   mind over matters - unknown

  i walk fast, if you can't catch up, run - vincent lee

  i'm not a difficult person, i'm only difficult to people that i don't respect - donald trump

  i'm 2 million poorer than the beggars on the streets - donald trump

  think big or think nothing, go big or do nothing - movie

  call me crazy but don't call me stupid - edwin

  kindness is the greatest weapon - edwin

  trust is a choice - edwin

  learn to love yourself first before you learn to love others - unknown

  all the greatest achievements started with the wildest dreams - unknown

  there's always a possibility within the impossibility - edwin

  to create a history, first, you must know the history, learn the history, forget the history and don't repeat the history - edwin

  act dumb when you're smarter than the rest, cos' you'll learn something unexpected from them - edwin

  the greatest courage is to tell the truth and face the truth - edwin

  when you believe, a coincidence could just be your fate; when you don't believe, a fate could just be a coincidence - edwin


and the lists keep going & growing everyday....


  



Tuesday, March 25, 2008

i'm so overdosed of carbo...

it's a strange but eventful day today...

woke up with a weird call..was damn blur then pissed-off before putting down the phone. got scolded for a mistake that was not mine. but i can't really shirk the responsibility, i oversee the work. and i emailed it out, so i would just have to keep my mouth sealed but i couldn't hold my tongue but to let it out at the end. after all it's an innocent mistake, taken as is basis from client's sample, ya, certain initiative is required, admit. then again, it's ok, we get scolded for mistakes that weren't ours most of time...numbed already...well, our nick name is, brand-whore anyway..

then, sat by my pc...had 3 slices of my favorite peanut butter bread and my must-have "morning" coffee. it's already 12pm when i'm having it. it's been a long time since i have bread. thou, i used to hate bread but i kinda changed after some turbulence 2 years back. but anything with peanut butter will always melt my heart. i enjoy the texture of peanut butter & butter gently melt in your mouth accordingly to the temperature within my mouth...quite satisfying.

then suddenly, no electricity! this bloody tnb (short for tenaga nasional berhad/national power limited) really useless, as useless as our government. well, the dog has to follow its owner's habit. tnb was privatized few years back. and i hated tnb, bcos many years back. my grandfather useD to supply power to his village, quite big village about 500-600 household. then one day this bloody indian asshole came over and try to close down my grandpa's plant/biz because government wanted to consolidate the electricity supply, that's nicely put. actually robbing the civilian's right to becoming self-sustained power provider, after all, providing power is the most lucrative business. hence, we had no choice but to submit to the government. did we get compensation? i believe we did...5 words, you are a good malaysian. well, this asshole minister has been voted out of his office during the recent election. bravo! served you right, bloody corrupted black fatso with weird looking wig! anyway, since being privatized, beside tariff increases almost on bi-annual basis. the service is disrupted in bi-monthly basis too. imagine, i moved to this new home since september last year and i've already experienced at least 4 times of power disruption. yes. black out. damn.

so, to continue my sleep is the only choice.

then, 30 minutes gone, still no power. suddenly came the thunderstorm. hmm...this storm is really huge & crazy. it's like a drunk fat father scolding a child who just got up in the middle of the night to pee. shocking & awake instantly! no, don't think otherwise, my dad has never drunk in front of us. he's a kind man, and too kind. anyway this rain was somewhat exhilarating!! i went down stair, to my porch, then, my crazy mood came. the feeling of running in the rain is so strong. it's been so long since i played in the rain, i could only remember when i was studying in malacca, we used to get trapped in the rain while cycling around the cities, and sometimes we had to hide in those little hut/stalls by the road, 5 persons cramped into that little warong hut and waited for the rain to stop till my nails turned purple. then suddenly i saw lighting before me, and drunk fat father screaming, then i realized, ok, it's a stupid idea to play in the rain today, at least for today.

2 hours has passed, shit, this bloody tnb is crap..still no power. thought of calling them, then i gave up. what's the use? the same old answer would be given, your concern is being rectified now...not to mention that it will take you 1min 30sec before reaching the receptionist. well, ever since those national agencies privatized, they have been trying very hard to be service-oriented. hence, came out with those press 1 for this, press 2 for that, press 3 for god father thingy...hilarious, well, that also you should consider yourself lucky if you managed to get thru after 3 attempts and it's not even toll free!

anyway...so what else could i do when suddenly black-out & thunderstorm at the same time? i could think nothing else but thinking of someone who can calm my trembling soul...while enjoying the view of my plain boring garden. lucky thing, my babies were so adorable, my dog & cat were just chilling by my feet. and so, my son became my over-sized carpet...haha...

5 hours has passed, this time my tolerance was running real thin already. i just needed to give tnb a thrashing. suddenly, the power returned while i was dialing their overly-friendly customer service number...it's 5.30 now, half a day has gone, nothing could be done really, except to do as much work as we could. and, i was hungry again, had another 2 more slices of peanut butter bread & a coffee. how much is the calorie for bread & peanut butter again??

later at night, spoke to my friend over skype. skype is really amazing, talking for hours without paying a single cent, and the clarity of voice is 10X better than msn, at least never choppy. we're talking about some work opportunity in beijing which he's interested for me to go over to help him in running a new setup to manage the no.1 telco brand there and other things...

anyway, i got hungry again at 2am, then i remembered, i didn't have dinner yet. so what else could i get at this hour but indian pancake/bread? yes, roti canai/roti kosong or singaporean call it roti planta, that's freaking weird. roti planta is named after the famous planta butter. so how could it called roti planta when it's meant to be empty, plain white toasted bread? and roti canai is called canai because it's a traditional meal from cenai, a city of southern india. anyway, singaporean just have their weird way of naming thing differently from malaysia. our relationship is just like british & american.

anyway, 2 pieces plus my usual teh-o-halia-ais a.k.a. iced ginger black tea, take-a-way. yes, finally, i can sit still and watch my korean drama "coffee prince", the final episode. after taking 2 bites then only occurred to me that: shit!! i'm having too much carbo today !! damn !! how much is the calorie per bread? and 1/4 can of peanut butter? and, indian bread, how much?? i'm so screwed...



Saturday, March 22, 2008

rewind

time, goes by
i wish, you're near by
chained, my heart
you're only in my mind

tame, my heart
i wish, you're near by
change, my faith
won't you come to my sight?

come here, be mine
over there, be mine
anywhere, i don't mind
just here, i find
the traces of mine o' mine

time, i'll find
and you, devine
joy, our wine
let's unwind, rewind



may

come as you may
i promise to be a dismay
it all started in may
i'm sorry for i can't display
this is not the game i would play
cos i just don't have the flair

this is our last affair
this game is just not fair
i've paid you my fare
please do not give me the stare
and don't cause me more despair
cos i'm just weak and frail

stop holding my tail
i can only be this clear
the tattoo is too severe
you have left me with fear
i'm hiding, looking from afar
cos i just don't wish to spar

this has gone too far
why do you let me fall
you have induced my flaw
causing pain is your law
what left is you claw
sorry, i won't suit your flow



Sunday, March 2, 2008

i fall out of love quicker than i fall in love...

i'm not picky or fussy. but i do have my preference.
let's just say, i get turn-off easily.
certain things i can't tolerate.
or let's just say, my tolerance level is very minimal.

i do get comment like "you're just so fussy" a lot, from none other than.... my mom.
i'm crowned the "health minister" at home because of my minimal tolerance level of hygiene, cleanliness, tidiness & food quality. not something i'm proud of but certainly something that i would like to maintain to.

some people think that i'm a flirt. to certain extent, i might be. i like being around people, beautiful people. i like being loved, and i tend to be quite friendly and chatty when i'm comfortable with the person. and yes, i can be very funny at times, i like to use words to get my things (done), i called it verbal flirt. but i don't sleep around, i never agree to one-night-stand, few-nights-stands perhaps :) at least, that's a "relationship" whether is short or long. rather than behave like a dog, screw & walk off.

but i get turn-off as quickly as i realized something that i can't tolerate. and yes, there are many.

every year, during chinese new year, i would get the same question from my aunts, "who is your girlfriend this year?". a reluctant title that i get from my relatives. they think that i'm such a playboy with many girlfriends, i'm not denying that fact that i can be somewhat popular with girls but this "title" comes with a little reasoning. reason being, i don't usually date chinese girls, and i have a tendency towards non-chinese. partly because i can't tolerate certain traditional chinese thinking & habits. so, because of that fact, whenever i'm back for chinese new year, my girlfriends were able to accompany me home for chinese new year and, at the same time, coincidentally i had new girlfriend before chinese new year. is a weird routine every year near my birthday, i get extra "welcoming" by others, and my birthday is at the year-end hence....

i'm not trying to defend myself but i'm just trying to reason out that sometimes the choices are not mine to make. it's within me, i just simply can't tolerate the impurities of characters. it's a problem, i know. it's a sickness i need to cure. maybe one day, my luck will run out.

my sickness is so bad that i could walk out from the bed while my girlfriend (ex) was naked on the bed waiting for me, because she's just too bushy.  and, i would be nice of course, "you made me nervous, i can't do it. let's go for tea", i said. and of cos, she became a history as soon as we're done with our tea. seriously, isn't that the most basic hygiene we should observe? no? sorry, i can't bear to go thru the forest to the destination....i'm shaven.

i'm not bragging, i do crush, fall in love and get hurt. but i will stop crushing when i know she doesn't love me.  i might not stop loving that person but i don't go for one-sided love. i will wish her well & all the happiness.

some people ask me, what kind of girls do you like? i find it very hard to answer, but i will rather tell what kind of girl i dislike....



Saturday, March 1, 2008

the walls...

i shoot the arrows like i always will
only today i meet the walls
i never hold back my thoughts
but today im trapped within my words

i never save my energy to slash
only now i realize i meet my match
i never stop at any meet
but this minute i concede defeat

i tried to use my energy
only realized i've lost within your sight
i never pause for a moment
but this moment you hold me at zero point

is your voice that capture my voice
is your eyes that put me on my ground
is your words that stop my bluntness
is your walls that prevent me to perform

i will be brave against your smile
but you're too strong for me
i will not let your walk more miles
but you swift like breeze

i will catch you in distance
but you vanish before me
i will go behind the walls
but you build a new one before me

is your scent that lure me closer
is your hands that pull me higher
is your skins that i want to sail
is your soul that i want to follow

i will catch you in distance
before you ascend to heaven
i will melt your walls
and catch you when you fall....



the laughters behind...

there's a laughter behind my skins
not the normal trace of schemes
it's the masks of my shyness
by the sea breeze, you'll see

there's a sadness in between my brows
not the common ways of cries
it's the way i will cherish
by the moonlight and you'll sense

sometimes life is just a fairy tale
something that i can only tail
nothing seem more real than a frail
nothing seem more distance than this trail

there's a path i needed ahead this maze
not the usual way to pursue
it's the passage of an issuance
by the edge, i'm merely a pretence

there's a life beyond my forest
not the assurance of blaze
it's just a dream i amaze
by the time, i shall be a craze