life is merely fifteen minutes

with a very heavy heart, "fifteen" is dead. her meaow~~ will always be remembered.

it could be my negligence after all. cos' i keep thinking she will be fine. assumption is the mother of all fuck-up, yes, it's. procrastination is the mother of all screw-up, yes, it's.

today i decided to take her to vet after seeing her getting weaker. time were just not on my side, i was busy yesterday. so i decided to take her to see vet today, she was meaowing~ & meaowing~...

on my way to the vet, then i realized my car's temperature was rising so rapidly that i had to pulled over. i was already driving like a mad cow to the vet and this thing has to happen. so, spent about 15min cool off the car, filled up the radiator. i'm such an idiot, the radiator is empty! and "fifteen" was meaowing~ in the car, so i said, give me some minutes ok? finally it took me another 5mins to get the car moving. driving like a bull-dozer this time, and some drivers are just idiot! finally reached the vet, and the vet is closed. ooo...my mother's lord! and i noticed "fifteen" was sleeping so peacefully in the carrier. i tilt the carrier a little, she flipped over like a statute. no! she's not resting, she's dead...it's 5.40pm now and pouring... damn. damn. damn.

it's my fault at some point for sure, i was procrastinating, i was taking for granted. now the only thing, i could do for her was to give her a decent funeral, at least. it was pouring very heavily, was it a cry from the heaven for this tiny little cute road-runner? i'm not sure but i was driving like father who was anxiously to get home to his spend the final fifteen minutes with his child.

got home, the area was dry but sky was dark. knowingly the storm is coming. i wrapped the little fella with tissues, like little mummy. drizzle started, and i started digging the ground of my pathetic garden. it's like a drama, all funeral has to be done in the raining, and i'm just another actor. an actor of this sad ending set in a gloomy & rainy sky.

while i was managing the final moment of "fifteen", my 5 year-old neighbor was came over. beyond the fence, she started talking to me as usual. her naiveness about death & pets actually lighten me up ;)

---

"uncle edwin, uncle edwin where is the kitten?" (must you always call me uncle?)
>> "here, in the cage"
"can i see her? can i play with her?"
>> "no, emily"
"why not? please......", with her cute whining.
>> "bcos she's dead."
"why? why can't play with her?"
>> "bcos she's dead & gone to heaven. she can't move anymore"
"can i touch her pls?"
>> "no, i need to bury her.", continuing wrapping her with tissue paper.
"what are you doing? you're wasting a lot of tissue"
>> "i'm wrapping her so she can go to heaven"
"really? she'll go to heaven?"
>> "yes, she will."
"but you're wrapping her, she can't move already."
>> "...."
"can i touch her please? what are you doing?"
>> "i'm digging a place to bury her"
"ohh...you're so strong"
>> "...." (hahaha)
"ok ok, that's deep enough"
>> "...."
"why don't you put her in front of my house?"
>> "here is fine"
"why don't you bury her here, nearer?", she pointed the spot next to the drainage, next to her house.
>> "it's ok. it's tiring to dig again", i smiled (i lied)
"can i touch her pls?"
>> "sure", i passed her the wrapped body.
"i like her dead" she squeezed a little of the body "i'm scared of the cat. i like cat but they move too fast"
>> "but if she's dead, you can't play with her anymore"
"...." she's quiet for a moment finally. (i won..yea yea~) "can you pass me the cage pls?"
>> "no emily. it' raining now. go home." i showed her my father-talking-to-daughter-face.

---

i had a good laugh, and started cleaning the remains of "fifteen".

rest in peace, my "fifteen" the brave road-runner. you've been an inspiration to me. i shall now treasure every fifteen minutes i have. heaven awaits you, rise and shine, and be a princess in your after-life...

a little poem for you:

fifteen minutes of your life,
touched my soul, sent me a light,
while fifteen is merely a number,
but it gave me reasons to remember,
rise & shine, the road-runner,
run faster,
dance harder,
with the move of needle,
you're remembered,
you've inspired lives,
fifteen minutes, determines a new life.

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