apology needs to have substance

we all hear people say sorry everyday as often as we hear them saying "good morning" & "how are you?". the question is how many times do these greeting truly come from the heart? do they really wish you to have a "good" morning? do they really care if you're doing ok? so don't greet people like an auto answering machine. even if you said it's a manner, shouldn't manner come from the heart?

same goes to apology. often people say sorry so easily. well, there are also many people who can never apologize willingly as their tongue is growing inward.

so, we all say sorry when we made a mistake or hurt someone. but an apology doesn't just end there with a five-letter word. a truly apology needs to carry substance. it must come from our heart and most importantly our determination and willingness to make amend without conditions.

i was once told, a true apology comes in 3 parts:

1. i'm sorry.

2. it won't happen again.

3. how can i make it better?

in a large scale, part one is the easiest to accomplish. mostly people are able to get to 2nd part but are they willing to go to 3rd part? i believe not many people could. even if they are willing to go for part 3, they would set conditions: i'm willing to cover this but i won't do this and that and this doesn't apply. it's indeed like you're reading a crazy Sale ad that you must not forget to look out for the terms & conditions listed in the most tiny points at the hidden bottom of an ad.

an apology should come from heart, the bottom of the heart. it must never come with a "but", it should be conducted willingly with full determination. when we apologize to people who we have wronged, we automatically lose the right to bargain and demand. Cos in the first place we're the one that's in the wrong and we're trying to make amends. 

plus, having expectation of after we've done this & that, this person must forgive and accept my apologies or else this person is truly unworthy of my apologies, is also a very misguided thinking. Cos this person is not obligated to accept your methods of apologies that you see deem fit. it's certainly his/her right to evaluate your sincerity. if we're to apologize and make amends, we must remove the pride and prejudice and do everything we could to satisfy or to heal his/her wound. Cos after all, we're the one who's seeking for forgiveness and not them.

there is already a prick in the skin, should we just cut the protruding edge or remove the thorn entirely?

so how do we make things better? there is no absolutely right strategy to mend a broken heart.

a true apology comes from our heart, not our skill of negotiation. 

the only thing we could is continue, constantly trying to do better than the last. seeking forgiveness is never an easy task especially when the trust bond is broken. it needs time to heal, and we can't rush and force the person to accept. find out the source of the problem, remove the thorn out from the flesh totally, completely. we could only be patient and give in full determination & perseverance to gain the forgiveness and earn back the trust we've lost.

unless this person worth nothing to you.

then he/she is just as rubbish as the words above ;)

Tweet