don't wish me happy birthday.

don't wish me happy birthday!
it's not a happy birthday when i'm obligated to your initiatives & kindness.
i don't want your kindness.
it's not a kindness when you expect me to repay you.

it's a loan.
it's worse than charity, worse than sympathy.

why do i need to celebrate my birthday your way?
when i said, i don't wish to celebrate my birthday, i mean it.

here i am, 12 midnight, 6 of november 2007.
my biological clock hit 32 finally.
and i'm alone.

i want to be alone and owe no one of any kindness.
i mean, any loan.
don't dump the loan on me.
i have no means and no power to repay this loan.
it only suffocates me, cos' i know you've expectation and one day you will ask for the repayment.

pls. understand and let me be...
i want to celebrate my birthday my way, quiet & peacefully.
no cake, no party, no hoo-hah, no alcohol, no dance, no special dinner...just a pure PEACEFUL moment.

may i have my freedom and deserve a peaceful day?
must i repay your initiatives & kindness on MY DAY?

i'm tired, exhausted to please everyone.
i want to be ME, a real ME.
i don't want to please anyone.
and i don't want to be the type of person you desire.
i just want to please myself, at least for once, one day in 365days.
let me be.

don't try to make me feel guilty. i had already told you i would feel guilty long time ago.
don't tell me that you've done this & that for me. i didn't plead for it.
don't try to claim what you deserve. i'm not a product.
don't call me a betrayal. i just want my freedom.

it's by far the worst birthday i've ever had in my 32 years.
so, pls. let me have a happy birthday, my way.
that's the only thing i'm pleading you.

wishing edwin a guilt-free birthday...amen.

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it's my fucking event!!

it's my fucking event!
it's my fucking house warming!
it's my fucking birthday!

and i'm free to invite whoever i want!
i'm fucking tired of pleasing everyone!
it's my fucking event!
don't give me your fucking vip attitude!
it's my fucking event!
let me have my own preference!
it's my fucking event!
let me be!

seriously, what's the fucking big deal about it???
it's my fucking birthday! i can choose to celebrate in anyway in anyhow i want!
even if i invite Osama is my fucking problem!
why do i need to please you when it's my birthday?

it's my fucking event!
so i choose who i want to see & who i want to invite!
the invitation is stated to welcome to bring a partner and if i invited your girlfriend but she doesn't ask you to come along is your fucking problem not mine!

it's my fucking event!
don't bloodly give me the VIP's SEE HOW attitude! and expect me to send you reminder?!?
want to come, come. don't want to come, don't.
seriously, i'm not throwing tantrum.
if you think i'm close to you, and my event is as important to you as you're important to me then come.
don't bloodly give me your VIP schedule that make my event a substitute to your other more happening event!
you're not doing me a favor if you come for my event! and i don't need this type of kindness!
i'm lazy and i only ask once, and have no interest in pursuing your presence.

it's my birthday! it's my event!
i want to have my choice and not to please & accomodate your choice!
i'm fucking tired & suffocated to please the whole fucking world!
i want to be alone on the day.
i'm moving to a deserted island.
period.

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