dumb and hungry...and crazy perhaps...

How does it feel to have Temporary Intelligence Lost? How does it feel when you become stupid & blank in your mind abruptly?

I’ve always pride myself as a very intelligent person with IQ of 146… I’m not sure if that’s still valid since I’m no longer the same age I was 12 years ago. I’ve just got well from a very severe fever recently, or am i really well yet? I’m not sure what this fever has done to me exactly. But I realized one thing, I have very bad memory suddenly and my mind doesn’t function as fast as I want it to be, or rather I’m no longer a quick thinker as I was.

I used to regard as being overly smart is not a blessing but a curse. I still believe that. And, I wished that I was less smart. But I’m now very scared, I’m blank suddenly. I become the total opposite of my usual self. I’m no longer resourceful, no longer responsive to ideas, no longer a quick thinker, no longer a solution provider… I'm brain dead & hungry all the time. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I’m hungry constantly. I get hungry all over again 30mins after my meal! What’s wrong with me? Is it because of the antibiotic? I’m not sure, that stupid antibiotic makes my stomach weary all the time. Finally I’m done eating the last pill from the white bag. I hope I will no longer get hungry so rapidly… Frankly speaking, it freaks me to feel hungry all the time.

Anyway, I’m suddenly a very dumb person. I can’t think of solution as quick as I wish I was. I just get stuck and look into the thin air. Did I just got dumber? Perhaps, I’m. I’m very worried. In my line of duty, it’s my brain that makes money. Now, without it, I may just turn into a piece of wood that the only benefit was to grow mushroom. So this is how it feels being a dumb person…

Suddenly, I’m afraid to be dumb. Suddenly I wish to revoke my prayers that I wish I was less smart so to able to live a simpler life. Can I revoke my prayers now? I wish to be smart all over again…this fever has really burned & killed too much of my brain cells….damn… I may just become not only dumb but also crazy.

How does a person sound when he is crazy, dumb and also hungry all the time?? call me and you'll know... ;)

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i had marathon...movie marathon

when was the last time you had your movie marathon? i had mine today.

i had my movie marathon today, alone. since it's very hard to please everyone with few different genre of the movies, and i might just need to invite few different persons, in few different days, just to finish watching movies that i wish to watch. furthermore, my friends has this weird perception that 2 men watching movies together is the "gayiest" thing ever... so i decided, save the trouble, cut the unnecessary strings, go and watch the movies that i've been wanting to watch - Red Cliff & The Dark Knight. hmm... i watched Sex and the City the night before too. So just imagine, if i need to watch all 3 at one go, how many people should i go with??

anyway, i spent almost 6 hours in the cinema hall today. Batman & Red Cliff are both equally long, 2.5hrs, equally great actors.

Red Cliff, for some who doesn't know, it's pride the biggest budgeted Asian film in the history. It's part of the Three Kingdoms story (one of the four greatest chinese novels). Red Cliff is about the first major battle between the North Wei, West Shu and East Wu kingdoms. the greatest battle set against the red cliff, the begining of the formation of three kingdoms. i went in the hall without any expectation. i'm never john woo's fan, and what can you expect when the movie has no 2 guns, john woo's signature? i just want to see the exchange of wits between the 2 greatest strategists of that era, Zhou Yu & Zhuge Liang. I think, Tony Leung did a good job, as always, and i think john was lucky that Chow Yun-fatt declined that role of Zhou Yu. chow might just ruin that character, tony certainly bring out the "unpredictable" & "deep/hidden" side of Zhou Yu. Takeshi Kineshiro's Zhuge Liang is not too bad but a bit cheeky for the greatest strategist of china. well, can't wait for the part 2 thou, where the real battle begins...

The Dark Knight, what can i say? Heath Ledger is a legend! he pulled the entire show in one piece. he pulled the entire audience's attention to him. he's a greater hero in that movie. a villain that you wish he could reprise it in the sequel but it will never be. i doubt anyone could do a better joker than him. such a sad thing for such a talented actor to die so young. i'm never a fan of batman but this time round i wish to watch the sequel with the joker in it! damn. expect the unexpected. all i could say is, watch it twice, not once, twice.

what about Sex and the City? i'm big fan of Sex and the City but the movie seriously....well, just expect the expected then. the girls are getting too old, the only surprise is, miranda got prettier??? actually, less ugly is more appropriate. carrie bradshaw? was she ever attractive? with a crooked nose & cheeks higher than her eyes? hmm...how could that be the benchmark for sexy? i've been wondering it since i fell in love with that series but she does has style ;)... but, i will do samantha & charlotte 10 times and it will still not carrie's turn. err...steve you can keep miranda for as long as you wish :). ok, bring some pop corns, cokes & lots of chips, watch them like how you watch the series then, yes, it feels like watching 4 episodes at one go :)

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i'm hungry as hell....

but i have no appetite at all...what's wrong with me? shit. this sickness is killing me. there's no more fever but the post-fever is eating me up...

i sleep more than usual, get tired easier than usual. i'm barely conscious more than 6 hours at one go, a day.
i get hungry too often, and i lost appetite after 3 bites. i barely finish half of every meal ordered.

and this antibiotic that i'm taking, it freaks me out. it makes me having gastric ache, those type of pain that i've never experienced before. my tummy get upset the entire day after eating it, whether i consume it before or even after meal. it has become a phobia to me, taking that antibiotic...damn. but i had to finish the course. what happens if i don't? will the bacterias live within me resurrect and start crawling out of my throat & nose?? or my anus??

did i mention i sound too sexy now with my nasal influenced voice too? now, my only free passage is also blocked...

i've been nicotine free for 7 days now! amazing? but i don't feel proud at all, cos i lost appetite in everything, even cigarette gives no kick to me.

this is bad, im really, really hungry now but i don't know what to eat.

eat to live is all i have to do now? omg...that's so sad... i need to find a new meaning to this life, seriously...

probably, it is not food that i'm hungry for...

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there is an epidemic going around...

that's what my doctor said to me, quote vis quote.

i'm never a "doctor" person, i remember the last time i visited a doctor must be almost 2 years ago. then yesterday, after being smart-aleck for 2 days, i decided to see a doctor as i realized my temperature raised to 37.6C after it was decreased from 38.4C to 37.1C. my temperature fluctuates since the first day of fever on monday.

i believe she was right about the epidemic. there were few patients before me, and i realized all of them took the same kind of medicine as mine. or could she be advocating certain pharmaceutical brand?

she warned me, in any circumstances if the fever doesn't subside after 2 days we should consult doctor immediately for dengue test and other implications. i visited her on the 3rd day, i suppose not so bad right?

so this fever had quite a few hilarious events anyhow. i was perspiring like a mad cow for the past few days...i had to get up to change my shirt every 3-4 hours! and my bed has turned into a water bed...yes, full of my sweat....damn...but i couldn't do anything, i was just too weak to change the bed sheet every 4 hours. so i've been switching sides of the bed...but it was hilarious, i believe i must have lost at least 1.5kg over the last 3 days...not bad eh?

and this evening when i was about to drive out to feed my wobbly body, i realized my car's tyre was flat! damn...with my current physical condition, it's impossible for me to replace the tyre... so i had no choice but to walk to the closest restaurant, one step at a time. yes, one step at a time.

oo... yes, i've been nicotine-free for 4 days...wonder how long can i maintain this ;)

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liberate your mind...

...or liberate the souls of others...

i wonder sometimes why do people like to snoop into other's life, interfering & setting rules to others that they seems deem fit while only adding burden & pressure to others. why do most people only think one-sided and so rigid? there are many possibilities in this world. we should always think from many angles, or at least, 2 opposite angles. is it that tough?

when we need to use our brain to think, most people don't. when things are just as innocent as it is, most people start to think, and often, too much.

do people know that setting rules for others and conveying revengeful message like "if you do this, i'll do this" is a form of harassment? worse still, accusing that our action has ulterior motives! it's done out of love, some might say. but shouldn't love embrace support, encouragement and trust instead of setting the dos & don'ts? to me, it's simply disrespectful to one's freedom... i detest it greatly and i will always retaliate to the very end...

we all live with different values, different cultures and different lifestyles. one's lifestyle may not seem suitable for others but what is a good value? as long it doesn't harm others i believe we should leave it as it is. but no, some people just love to tell people what's what and try to control others' every move, even for the simplest thing like who should we be out with for a sports outing. hmm...what a life eh?

i live my own rules and never follow general public's opinion, i'm a rule breaker. i follow my conscience and, it is always clear. i don't bow to others and only to god, well, HE's "away" most of the time ;) the rules that i've made are to ensure i live with no regrets. i don't have many regrets in life, so far. if i could remember, it would be that i've not done hard enough in pursuing my dreams, and still not able to give enough for the people that i love.

as long our "new" rules doesn't harm others i don't see the need for us to report. you don't have to follow my rules but just respect the rules of my life.

so, if you can't liberate your mind, then liberate those that you can't control...

oo...i'm sneezing now, someone must be cursing me again ;)

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it's time to sing...

it's time to sing again for the things that i've adored
it's time to sing again for the things that i've endured
it's time to sing again for the people that i've loved

time will only tell, what i've missed is it really what i've needed
but what i've lost may not return as the way i want it to be
so, should i wait? should i cry? should i hope?

it's time again to sing
it's time again to sing
it's time again to cling
things may not be what it seems

it's time again to sing
it's time again to swing
it's time again to swim
things may not be what it seems

it's time to sing again for the things that i've cried
it's time to sing again for the things that i've cared
it's time to sing again for the people that i've missed

time will only tell, what i've done is it really what i should
but what i've not done could be what i really i needed to do
so, should i care? should i miss? should i continue?

it's time again to sing
it's time again to sing
it's time again to go
things may not be what it seems

it's time again to sing
it's time again to swing
it's time again to return
things may be just what it seems...

~~

my eyes were closed all the time when writing these...
dedicated to those who have painted colour in my life & hope to inspire the lost souls within us in searching for their destiny...

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it's mamma mia!!

mamma mia! is coming !! omg... i can't really wait for it. for those who were born in 60s and those that grow up during 70s hippies era or those that had to "endure" your parents records... surely you know what is mamma mia, yes it's ABBA! yes i'm so damn excited about it. this musical movie is gonna be awesome. it's gonna be an awesome chick-flick. yes, i love chick-flick! and i love musical! it is based on the super duper popular broadway/west end musical - mamma mia!. and every song in there is from ABBA... isn't it amazing?! you get to hear "dancing queen", "money money money", "knowing me, knowing you" and of cos "mamma mia" all over again!



i also don't know why i'm a bit head over heel of this super ever green ABBA that i grew up listening to my parents' records... damn. i'm super excited and i immediately downloaded their greatest hits! if you want it, drop me a mail i will send them to you ;)

what can i say? ABBA started a new pop trend in 70s with their catching tunes, and they were hot looking (then). wait, do you know ABBA is actually from Sweden? ;) ABBA were formed by 2 pairs of then husbands & wives with initials of A & B... Björn Ulvaeus & Agnetha Fältskog; Benny Andersson & Anni-Frid Lyngstad. sweet right? haha..

they should start to do a retrospective or make a come back of all the 70s inspired musical, "grease" was great. i wonder when is the musical "mamma mia!" coming to town...

here's the trailer for the new movie mamma mia! from meryl streep & pierce brosnan, yes they sing & dance in there! also, special treats of the originals at the bottom... enjoy ;)


~ trailer 1 ~


~ trailer 2 ~


....and the original songs...woohoo ~~


~ mamma mia ~


~ dancing queen ~


~ give me, give me, give me (a man after midnight) ~


~ knowing me, knowing you ~


~ money, money, money ~


~ take a chance on me ~

everything about ABBA & mamma mia!:
mamma mia! the film
mamma mia! the musical
official ABBA site
ABBA on wikipedia

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so... this is how it feels...

this is gonna be a long post, pls. grab a coffee... i've been feeling like shit for the past few weeks, that explains why i was absence from here for 2 weeks. i'm trying to examine what's the cause of my melancholy self... perhaps, i'm having early menopause.

on second thought, it's july and august is coming. july & august have been my taboo month on annual basis, and it has never failed to spoil my life. i'm never a superstitious person, but this is weird, the coincidence is quite bizarre:

august, 2003 - i tendered my resignation from the no. 1 international advertising agency in the country which i had enjoy working with for 6 years due to i wish to stay away from all the politicking & power struggles. i simply hate backstabbers & politics.

july/august, 2004 - i volunteered to head a project for the local's largest bank, while i was another international agency which ranked top 3 in the country. it was a deadly decision as the team was meant to have 4 person but ended up i was all alone to "head" the "team". had to work night & day yet the country head was not even a bit of appreciative. as a result, i neglected my son, which caused him to have defunct leg formation. my greatest regret.

august, 2005 - joined a formerly no.1 film production house as general manager which was to tasked to rebrand the company to its former "glory". it turned out to be a fatal mistake, the "family-oriented" company is much ruthless than corporate. i quit few months later as i refused to be their butcher to my staffs.

july/august, 2006 - had a big row with my landlord who forcefully built an extension to the house i was staying and causing us to fall sick due to the dust. not to mention that the non-partisan property agent "turned" up to be the landlord's daughter!! then i refused to move out one month ahead from the contract expiry date. it resulted a stand-off situation that almost require police's intervention.

july/august, 2007 - almost died when move into this new house when i was cleaning the cabinet, the ceiling fan hit the cabinet and slashed my neck. the story was posted in "august ordeal" in 2007. also had to deal with the idiot ex-landlord who refused to return my deposit when i moved out, which inspired me to write a post "chinaman with flat limpy hair and metal frame glasses"...and my cat, ruby died ...

now it's july and, august 2008 is coming. seriously, i could already feel the wind before the storm:

my client, a local giant property client whose chairman was recently named the new billionaire in the country threatened not to pay the long overdue project that has been on-hold since march 2006. as far i'm concerned, the project has completed but last minute after produced the colour proof (last stage before printing) they wanted to add additional pictures which....i'm still waiting since october 2007. the amount is quite substantial for my tiny-size company. the 3rd party has begun chasing the payment. can't blame them but i've not even collected payment yet. the 3rd party costs contribute about 80% of the total cost. so factor in the delay & operation cost, i'm already not making profit even if i managed to collect the full amount.

and, we resurrected a project from april 2006 which i was never paid. have been having all shit from this smart-aleck client who claims she knows everything yet can't even make up her mind. the visual was already approved in 2006 but she "needed" new options, and we presented additional 20 options. and she always give us a fake launch date and postpone it after. finally she agreed to one version, then after 3 months later, now, she complained the picture given by her is not nice?! and the colour is too green?! it's the same colour since 3 months ago man, wtf... it was meant to launch end of this month, yet it's postponed till further notice, again.

two of my favorite clients, both from different company are leaving their company this week. that means i might lose this account/company. cos' there will be a new head coming. so as usual, new head, new style, new favorite agency.

someone close to me, who i value very much suddenly vanish into the thin air. i don't know why and have been scratching my skull till almost bald. but i decided to give it a rest, since pursuance could be a form of harassment, sometimes.

payment from other clients are also delayed.

one of my company cheques almost got bounced.

my uncle (RIP) just passed away unexpectedly last friday.

anyway, this post is getting too long... someone will complain again... finger crossed, august here i come ;)

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the rise of moronism...

i'm trying to keep this post light & simple cos' i was complained that my posts were too deep & heavy sometimes...so let me try... ;)

i'm laughing not because i'm happy but because i'm laughing of what the world has turned into today. there's a rise of moronism these days, it's the new "trend", and i'm certain of it.

while i can't really do anything about it, the only thing i could do is to laugh about it. laugh about their self-righteousness, their silliness, their naive-ness, their ill-mannerism, their smart-aleck attitude... anyway, it's a good laugh when you see people running in the circle and thinking that they got it all right. although i would try to help to point the right direction, or, at least i think it's the right direction... but somehow they prefer to have their "principles". so i could only sit back & watch, perhaps, with a pack of potato chips in my hand and enjoy the drama unfolding by itself.

some morons are just beyond salvation as i relate to certain events in my work. there are smart-alecks that think they are the smartest of all and as well ill-mannered. they refuse any suggestions and only want things to be their way but when things turn out to be opposite of what they had expected, i would then be called in to solve their woes. that's a good side of the story... the bad side? they would blame me for not enthusiast enough in promoting my advises and failed to convince them to take up my offers. i could only laugh with my tears. nothing more, damage has been done. i've never called any of my clients names but this time they do deserve a new name that starts with B. they irked me more than the dog's poo on my bed.

many kids and including adults are becoming mannerless these days too. they call it an "attitude", since when being rude is a cool thing? i always get people adding me over facebook or friendster without leaving a note or a simple "hello"... sorry, i don't add strangers that has no manners... :P what happen to our good old society with good courtesy & etiquette? i was brought up with 2 phrases in mind, say "please" whenever you ask for a favour and say "thank you" whenever you receive kindness but i hardly hear it these days. and, i could hardly see people returning kindness or a simple hello when is being greeted too. does picking up our 100g mobile phone equal to weight-lifting in olympic when we're to return a missed-call? a lof of people take things for granted and consider it as their birth-right, disregarding other's presence and value. i guess they deserve their price tag, except, i'm on "sale" 4 seasons a year...

who should we blame? well-mannered has everything to do with how we're being brought up and our surrounding. should we blame our parents? or the globalization? american tv/movies that promote f-words as a daily conversation? internet that expose us to profanity? frankly speaking, there's no one else except ourselves in the mirror... simple rule is, don't treat people the way that we don't wish to be treated.

without etiquette & manners, we are nothing more and probably less than an animal. at least, my dog wags his tail when he sees me or when i give him food; my cat purr when i hold her or talking to her. so, are we human being still a supreme being compare to other living things on earth?

yes, we're still a lesser moron, when compares to trees... let's give ourselves a pat on the shoulder, say "thank god" and have a good laugh ;)

to end this, i present you the latest lewd act of our so-called leaders in the country, our members of parliament from the ruling party - barisan nasional: barisan nasional backbenchers club deputy chairman and chief minister of pahang. they said, they didn't do it. maybe i've chinese eyes can't see clearly. you guys judge for yourself... ;)

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i'm losing interest in women...

i've never short of choices since i was 14 years old, my 1st girlfriend made me choose among her and her other 2 best friends who also interested in me. even up to to date i'm still having this kind of "luxury", choices are still pouring all over. i'm not bragging and neither am i complaining but i think i seriously have an issue with women, lately.

for the past few weeks i've come across some very attractive people. some were fond of me, pretty persuasive. some were merely good friends that i enjoy having a good conversation.

there were few of them have shown interest in me and they can be pretty direct, not to mention that some even offer to come over to my house or invited me to their place, for various reasons & excuses. they are all quite attractive in their own unique way; pretty, cute, tall, petite, slim, great figure, wealthy etc.. but yet, i have no interest in any of them... probably, i'm turning gay...

while i'm not sure what my problem is but all i could say is, i'm losing interest in all the bees, butterfly & flower stories. i've never really enthusiastically courted a girl in my life. perhaps, i was too pampered with choices laid in front of me. though i have been always pretty receptive to be surrounded by the girls, after all, which man doesn't? but lately, i'm losing my grip in taking up those offers.

i remember once, i declined a gay guy who confessed to me and i told him "i'm still not tired of women, when i do, i will let you know." perhaps now is the time?? guess not, perhaps i'm just a little confused with my sexual orientation.. perhaps, i just need some time to sort out the conflict in my heart...or, at least i hope.

nonetheless, i do get to know some nice people these days. they are also very attractive people, they are great company for laughter and we could talk about anything but absolutely no lust involved. these are the girls that i would keep as good friend and not as toys. i believe, sometimes having a female confidant is much better than a male best friend. i know most people can't believe that a male & female can be good friends, and they could be as narrow as relating it to sex or lust whenever they see a guy & a girl alone together doing the simplest thing such as walking at the same direction or merely having coffee/dinner.

after all, i've more female friends than male friends. i would say those close friends that i have, most of them are female. so if my girlfriend forbid me from seeing any girls then she would be asking me to disown 90% of my friends and leave me with just a handful of friends. but if those girls are fat & ugly then it's a different story altogether ;) i find it sexist somehow... in fact, most of my ex-girlfriends always thought that i only have 3 best friends. well, that's because these 3 best friends are actually male.

since most girls can't handle the fact that their boyfriends could have attractive female good friends then perhaps, we the boyfriend should turn on our gay radar whenever our girlfriends are not with us? so when we men start losing interest in women and start showing interest in men, is it really our fault? ;)

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