i'm sneezing & sleepy...

i've been sneezing, having stiffed neck, insomnia & sleepy all at once...i've been a little down recently, stressed, mind is over-loaded with some issues that i wish i could settle them once & for all.

i've been feeling lazy, tired. i don't really know why. it could be because i've made some important decisions for my career. i was recently offered a job to beijing, something interesting. my role requires me to be a strategist for running a new marketing platform and to head up a new division for beijing office which will oversee the largest telco brand in china, and it's also the largest brand in the world, nokia.

partly because the salary package was below what i desired, the package was the same as what i was offered 5 years ago, so it means i'm backtracking 5 years if i were to accept the offer. however, the 
offer was considered relatively high as compared to the industry standard in malaysia. few factors 
would entice me to go over to beijing, colder weather, new environment, new role, and definitely a 
good spring board for climbing corporate ladder. nonetheless, after thinking for 3 weeks, 
i declined. and within 4 months, i've already declined 2 offers from international agencies.

i have my reasons, a few important ones. however, these reasons will require me to work doubly hard as it is. for one, is to continue focusing & pursuing my 5 year plan. i need to at least achieve it before i move on to other level. i wrote the similar story sometime back "august ordeal" & "i cried". and yet, i'm still talking about it here...sounds silly am i?

for two, is for people that i can't leave behind. the people the i love & treasure. it's silly, some would say, but i've lived long enough to know which is more important to me. well, if i could achieve what i desire and able to be close to people dear to me, then why should i leave for other land? anyway, i don't like chinese. u.s. or europe is a different story all together...

for three, my company is doing better, prospects are coming in. within the short span of 2 months, we acquired 3 new clients, and they are reputable names in their respective industries, taylor's university college, puma & emi music. although the business is still small and untested in terms of billings but is definitely promising for the future. now, we have total of 6 clients. 2 are also giant in their own field, berjaya land & magnum 4d. and the other client, my anchor client, a new brand which scheduled to launch this year that promising a couple millions worth of revenue. sounds good? superficially yes, i would say.

but i've been really stressed, bothered, heavy-headed lately of company's financial status due to delay collection from the anchor client, and the wicked weather is not helping. as such, i'm into my reclusive syndrome again, which makes me insomnia all over when i'm alone, and when i sleep, i will not want to wake up. i tend to not wanting to see anyone, or talk to anyone. i'm back to my reclusive-thinker mode, trying so hard to think what to do next, trying very much to justify my actions. some might say, i'm stupid cos' having a great offer in beijing would solve all these problems, but that would mean that i would need to ignore the potential of my company and wind it up instantly. which i think it would be silly as well.

i know, it's stupid, cos' it's what i would say to my staff, last time. taking action is what i need, finding solution is what i should be doing. yes, i will, i know i could, and i can, but all i need is a shoulder to lean on, just for a while, a person to hug, just for a while, someone who would hear my worries, just for a while, then i could bounce back and get on with it. but unfortunately, hope is always something that would bring disappointment.

i guess, it's time to jump start my engine, over haul and drive on....maybe, another few more days, i would..just give me another few more days....

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