keep breathing...

recently, i saw some of my friends broke down. myself was also in a little shamble zone. the challenges were not just about physical but emotionally troubled as well. we all had lost someone who was dear to us, or things, or expectations that we all desired and craved for.

3 of my dear friends lost their grandmother last month, all within 2 weeks. i'm greatly affected by their lost.

i know how it feels exactly, i lost my beloved grandfather in my arms few years back. i was truly helpless, i was looking at the cardio reading, my eyes never moved an inch from the reading and i hoped that i had the supernatural power to keep the meter rising but it didn't. he was calling for me before he was in coma, i was not sure if i was his favorite grandson but he's my favorite grandpa and my hero for he who had went through great deal to become a great man he was before his passing. i know the pain, clearly & dearly, when seeing someone you loved & admired passing slowly in your arms while you can't do anything but just stroking the head, calling his name, watching the heart beat slowly fades to null. i didn't shed one tear at all, I wanted to but i couldn't. i had to be the pillar for my grandma and other family member who were in shock. i was in shocked myself. it took me exactly a year, to recognize that he's finally gone. on his one year anniversary, i finally cried. for the first time, in my life i cried in front of others. but i'm glad, i'm still breathing, that is the only thing i could do, keep breathing.

2 weeks ago, i heard a shocking news, someone that i knew, committed suicide and left behind a son. she was overdosed of pills and her body was found only 3 days later when friends broke into her home. i was never closed to her, but i wish i was. she must be very troubled, lonely & helpless to had driven herself to the edge. she was only 30, young, beautiful, adored by many friends. but i guess, we all had misread her. we took for granted for many things in our lives, i've learned before that we must not take things for granted, we tell & share our thoughts to the one we love as if there's no tomorrow. but for this instance, i guess, we're late. so all we could do is keep breathing, so to able to accomplish more to cover back our lost...

this month, i have heard many problems, and challenges faced by those who i care for. some problems were financially driven; some were the lost of directions in life; some were trapped within the studies, some were betrayed by closed ones; some were dejected for the hard work and didn't get pay off as they expected...while i can't do much for them but i could only try to be a great listener, and hopefully give them as much advises as i see deem fit, i could only be the pillar that they need, or at least, that's what i wish i could do...

sometimes we wish we could just give up, sometimes we wish we could just let go eveyrthing and move to an island, sometimes we wish we were never born, sometimes we wish could turn back the time, but all i wish to tell is, all we can do is keep breathing. as long we're breathing, we can hope, we can make changes. the only person that can bring you down is no one else but you. we have to believe in ourselves. believe is the strongest element we need, perhaps the only one that we need in achieving our dreams. so, all we have to do is keep breathing...

here's one beautiful song for you. "keep breathing" by ingrid michaelson.

keep breathing

the storm is coming but i don't mind.
people are dying, i close my blinds.

all that i know is i'm breathing now.

i want to change the world...instead i sleep.
i want to believe in more than you and me.

but all that i know is i'm breathing.
all i can do is keep breathing.
all we can do is keep breathing now.

all that i know is i'm breathing.
all I can do is keep breathing.
all we can do is keep breathing now.

all we can do is keep breathing
all we can do is keep breathing
all we can do is keep breathing
all we can do is keep breathing.
all we can do is keep breathing now.

performed by ingrid michaelson

....and for grey's anatomy's fan, the grey's version...

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