xenophobia vs schizophrenia: i hate weddings...

i hate attending weddings. especially chinese wedding. i always drag my feet to my house doors. but the thing is they never seem to fail to invite me. my friend said, cos' wedding makes us feel lonely and want a girlfriend and get married instantly..

hmm..really? maybe. but i hate it because i feel old and mostly the monotonous part...

few things i really bored with chinese wedding is, the "yumseng"(Chinese way of toasting), everyone is screaming out loud, you could almost break your ear drum when the person next to you is doing the quirking yell. "yumseng" is what we scream & yell through our already alcohol-swelled lips yet "yumseng" this 2 words don't mean a thing, it means bottoms-up! well, it's probably the favorite words by some chinese. they use it frequently in the bars, pubs and even at the high class restaurants.

you could almost know what are you're gonna eat. the menu has never changed for 30 years, well at least this how i remember through my entire life. the only fun thing to do, probably is to guess which dish will not appeal or which would be replaced. or, how many dishes does the dinner serve, usually we have 8-9 courses depending on how rich the couple is. some people actually create a small gambling dent for this betting purposes. well, trust us, the chinese, anything to do with gambling & making fortune, we will definitely think of it.

the standard menu are:

cold plate with salad prawn, squid, jelly fish, dried nuts with veges.
shark's fins soup
chinese-styled bbq chicken, sometimes paper-wrapped chicken
dry-fried tiger prawns, if you're lucky
steam fish, what kind of fish depending on the couple's choice (taste buds & the bank account's)
sea cucumber with mushrooms and broccoli
lotus leaf-wrapped glutinous rice, sometime you just get plain fried rice (the chinese restaurants at your house corner could taste better)
chinese tong-shui/desert
fruits. if you're lucky.

and most of the time, the hotels' food is really bad. so i usually take one bite for each course served, just to make it a worth trip. it's for the table mannerism. after all, i paid the angpow..hehe

another thing that is really dreadful is the waiting time for each course to be released from the under-staff hotel.

and chances are you would see more drunkards than your usual pubs & clubs. well, after all, they paid the angpow, "you deserved to be drunk, bro!"

the undeserving invitees, who wears informally to such a formal & special event. some with T-shirts or short-sleeve shirts, torn jeans with colorful top, or batik top, since when batik is a FORMAL? we're not politician, this is not a malay function nor a national event. why batik? datuk wannabe? oo...it's a national/traditional costume, then why can't you wearing cheongsam/sam-fu for goodness sake? i thought you're a chinese?

well these are usually apply to the men only. for the ladies, they love this event, probably the few only (or ONE) chance to showcase the dress that they made their husband/boyfriend prove their love with their underpaid salary.

had anyone wonder...? would he still yumseng out loud or would she still marry him after knowing how their own individual party as a single-man/woman was?

anyway, hen's night & bachelor's night were meant to be a secret, the only one that a married couple should keep. and yes, for life.

not forgetting the itinerary is always the same standard.

emcee's speech, welcome guests.
a short clips & story of the couple...same old standard, how they meet etc...common stance but usually very sweet :)
the grand entrance our lovely newly wed
short performance. usually is a stage arrangement especially done by the hotel for the newly wed....sometimes can be really hilarious & tedious...if you have this, then the food presentation is normally blend into this performance.
then the food presentation, some ol' same ol' dime the light then Kitaro music playing at the background, all waiters lined up in parade then slowly serve the first few tables. remember i said, under-staff. sometimes i even get Star Wars music played! WT...?
then the rest is eat! eat! eat! fight for every piece on the table. well, you do get gentleman like me who refuse to start first.
then fashion show time for the couple. well, only for the bride usually. this is what the groom deserved.....a beautiful wife, for a day.
short thank you speech from the couple then cut the wedding cake. usually a very dramatic & touchy moment. look around you'll see the couple are tearing and the parents too.
pour the champagne then of course the toasting ceremony. "yumsenggggg"!! funny! but sometimes can be very fun to watch those brothers screaming out loud...i would just open my mouth pretending i was screaming too...or rather i was stunned by the majestic collaboration of the ultra orchestrated screaming.
and yes, my favorite part, photography session.

all these always make me wanna have a out-of-the-world wedding plan. it's a once-a-life-time event, after all, getting married is the most unconventional you would do in your life. so why not make it unique?

then i thought i would probably can't afford my own dream wedding, maybe i shall just stick to the standard package...or just kahwin lari? haha...

but...there are exception cases too.

i attended a wedding yesterday, a good friend of mine, a good rock climbing mate. the wedding was quite sweet, the husband went on the stage to sing a song for his wife. he secretly practiced 6 months for her. and he was tearing when he said thank to his new in-laws. well-done man!

i didn't regret attending this one thou...congrats to Anne & Eric.