don't wish me happy birthday.

don't wish me happy birthday!
it's not a happy birthday when i'm obligated to your initiatives & kindness.
i don't want your kindness.
it's not a kindness when you expect me to repay you.

it's a loan.
it's worse than charity, worse than sympathy.

why do i need to celebrate my birthday your way?
when i said, i don't wish to celebrate my birthday, i mean it.

here i am, 12 midnight, 6 of november 2007.
my biological clock hit 32 finally.
and i'm alone.

i want to be alone and owe no one of any kindness.
i mean, any loan.
don't dump the loan on me.
i have no means and no power to repay this loan.
it only suffocates me, cos' i know you've expectation and one day you will ask for the repayment.

pls. understand and let me be...
i want to celebrate my birthday my way, quiet & peacefully.
no cake, no party, no hoo-hah, no alcohol, no dance, no special dinner...just a pure PEACEFUL moment.

may i have my freedom and deserve a peaceful day?
must i repay your initiatives & kindness on MY DAY?

i'm tired, exhausted to please everyone.
i want to be ME, a real ME.
i don't want to please anyone.
and i don't want to be the type of person you desire.
i just want to please myself, at least for once, one day in 365days.
let me be.

don't try to make me feel guilty. i had already told you i would feel guilty long time ago.
don't tell me that you've done this & that for me. i didn't plead for it.
don't try to claim what you deserve. i'm not a product.
don't call me a betrayal. i just want my freedom.

it's by far the worst birthday i've ever had in my 32 years.
so, pls. let me have a happy birthday, my way.
that's the only thing i'm pleading you.

wishing edwin a guilt-free birthday...amen.

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