never ask me how many girlfriends i've had. never ask me what number are you. cos' i will never tell, i can never remember or rather i choose not to number my exes. after all, this is one "achievement" that i believe i should never claim. girlfriends were never my trophy, if i may add. most of my exes are still very good friends to me, and we still care for each other very much. hence, numbering is just a very demeaning way to appreciate a good friend. i mean, do we actually number our best friends? "chris, you're my number 2 best friend!" hmm...that's bad, really disrespectful.
we all have come a long way in the relationship issues. each affair teaches us something, so naturally our next partner should always be better than the last. however, i notice some people actually fall into the trap of the loneliness-anxiety. hence, fall for someone or literally the next one, anyone, basically. to make matter worse, convincing & lying to ourselves that this is the one. i was told, for someone who's willing to lie to himself/herself, this person is a very sad person, a very lonely person.
and on the other occasion, my senior, a girl tried to console me after i got out from a very bad relationship. it was about 13 years back. she said this to me "do you love her because you love her? or do you love her because you're lonely?" shit! that struck me on the spot, and this has become my bench mark question for every relationship.
we just have to be wise when getting ourselves into the next relationship. but first of all, we need to decide what kind of relationship are we looking for? a get-to-marriage relationship? a companionship? or just simply a purely sexual relationship? then after we've recognized what our desirable relationship to be, the next thing is to choose the right person.
but who is the right person? we ask ourselves many times. to me it's very simple, most importantly is there must be a stimulant effect between us. some call it, chemistry. i rather simplified to "excitement & adrenaline rush". no need special reasons, no need to conduct comparison with the peer. this stimulant could be in a form of physical, conversational, emotion etc. ultimately, this stimulant is to keep the excitement going, keep the adrenaline of curiosity rushing. but this adrenaline must never, never come from material, status or background... these are simply artificial and frankly speaking, easily attain and easily vanish.
irregardless of what kind of relationship we're getting into, the most important factor is a simple respect for another human being. they say respect is to be earned, i say it's bullshit talking! it must go both ways. you must give only you'll gain, you must respect someone then only someone will respect you. the moment someone tells you "you need to earn my respect", he/she has zero repect of you. this person is self-righteous, demeaning, has literally no respect for others and has the lowest form of moral values.
anyway, how he/she talks & treats to you, means a lot. the language they use, the tone they use, the actions they take. it demonstrates how much this person values you. when i meant value, i meant the respect value.
chauvinism is one fatal point for men. that's one way to determine the respect value he's given to another girl. when a man, sms/text a girl who he had never been out on a date with to drop over his house on her own, by herself, in the middle of the night and claimed that he has high moral value, to me it's utterly bullshit. he's not only being disrespectful, un-gentleman & inconsiderate, he's treating the woman like a whore! it sounds more like a "24hr happy meal delivery" commercial from an escort/call girl agency. whatever the motives & methods were, it's just so wrong! it's unforgivable! ~~ uh-hmph...hey, don't try to kid us, we know your motive. ok? ~~ unless, this relationship was purely sexual or transactional then, "happy meal" it is!
and for women or men, who always try to insinuate that the other is a whore or a potential cheater, and constantly calling/texting the other even knowing that she/he is out with friends gives no respect to ones freedom, privacy & space. it shows how shallow this person would be in the future, she/he's simply bitter & calculative and lack of self-esteem. worst of all, without self-respect, after all the choices were made by him/herself and she/he's contracting her/himself. purely pathetic. when she further compares this new man with others in terms of monetary, career, status, background or the potential wealth, this girl is just simply untrustworthy and a pure opportunist. these days, many men do the same too!
there are 2 types of players in general. the one that uses his personal charisma, charm, language, etiquette to get close to the next prey. this type still have a little sense of "ethic". on the other hand, you have the type of men who use power, money, status & peer group to "buy" the girls. the latter is the worst kind, he's a self-proclaimed "charity organization". in their mind, money power dominates. he thinks when he pays & flashes, he's actually doing favor for that girl. in the other words, every woman has a price tag. no other girls is worthy enough cos' he believes he can always "purchase" another heart. do our hearts have a price? certainly not, our love is priceless! actually, deep down inside it's a very sad story, he knows without materials he's nothing but a piece of human skins, and probably smells.
hmm... bottom-line is, we should always make sure our next one is better than our last. but only the one who gives you the respects that you deserve, deserves you. you're not for sale for the weight of his gifts, or the color of his credit card, or the shape of his car, or the size of his house. you will only be sold by the value of respect he's giving you...
good night & have fun...
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